Do I miss my hair?

Do I miss my hair? What I truly thought was my best feature sometimes (yes I did), something I loved and seriously took amazing care of? God, yes I do. I miss it a lot. I think about how soft and silky it was, running my fingers through it, blow drying the heck out of it every day, spending hours conditioning it in the shower, getting compliments for it all the time – and I mean all the time. Back then when voluminous hair wasn’t a thing yet, I had it!

The past month has been one of the hardest days of my life – absolutely reconsidering my whole life’s purpose, tearing myself apart with the thought of…Wait, Tida, you’ve known since the first day that you met your Guru that you want to be on this pathway. What the fudge is wrong with you? I wanted to grow my hair out, I booked my ticket back to Bangkok, I ran away from the ashram, I couldn’t stand the thought of myself being so unclear about myself. It was excruciatingly painful on the inside to loath myself for all these thoughts. All I could think about was, you idiotic Tida, you are no monk if you still want all these things, you are stupid, you’ve suffered so much from your desires and greed and stuck patterns and you want to throw it all away? I brewed in immense anger for days.

One morning, on a day I was still in self-exile from the ashram, watching Stranger Things 2 – my one way ticket back to Bangkok booked, my ego in utmost joy from feeling so in control with all the anger I wasn’t even trying to make sense of anymore… I realized how much I love being at the ashram. How peaceful it is, full of love and light that no other place in this world possess. I realized how much I judge myself, lack value for myself, and how much I don’t accept myself for all the emotions and desires that I have. Because I didn’t accept myself at all whatsoever, because I did not come into gratitude for me, in humbleness for all the goodness that have led me to where I am now, I crashed and burned tremendously. And for what? All because I couldn’t accept that I, Tida Wei, the stupid monk still have desires. How does it make sense that an enlightened Spiritual Guru has extensively worked on me for 6 whole years non-stop if She didn’t see something in me? Strength, perseverance, dedication. How can I be so angry at myself if even Buddha – a karmically blessed prince, took twelve years of meditation to understand himself entirely and release all of His patterns that tie him to the endless cycle of life and death? How can I give up on myself knowing that I will be repeating the same patterns, having the same struggles, relationships, and hardships again and again in the next lives to come? What if I don’t find a Guru that can assist me to clear my karma in the next 500 life times?

The lesson I learned is.. it isn’t your capabilities that define who you are. It’s the choices that you make in your life that defines who you are. Your strength li s in your ability to accept yourself for everything that you are without the interferences of what your ego and subconscious wants you to be. It’s your acceptance and compassion for yourself, knowing that these bodily patterns have been there for centuries, and the pathway to self-realization or enlightenment is no easy road and requires utmost discipline. And yet it will always be a beautiful one – the road to knowing and experiencing your Higher Self, your Superconscious Self, because the more you know your true self, and the light within you, how peace is just waiting to be felt, experienced, and discovered by you right in your heart, the more you will love yourself. The more beautiful you feel, and the more beautiful the entire world will seem to you.

Thank you Guruji for loving me and for your patience in training me to be a decent human being. 🙏🏻❤️ Om.


Omm everyone for such wonderful greetings and birthday messages this year. I’m greatly humbled by those that shared positive messages with me that I truly did not expect! To return the love, I thought I’d share some of my learnings from the past year with everyone. Ideally this would be a proper blog post but at the moment I lack that luxury of a time to sit down and write so I’m typing on my phone! Training and upholding the duties of a yogi, renunciant, monk, ashram-take-carer is absolute good hard work! Om Guruji for giving me such privilege and such honor and responsibilities!

Let’s start with this week. I learned the lesson of humbleness – how being an absolute ‘nobody’, image-less, and always-at-service (seva) goes a long way. Working in utmost sincerity for what you want in life without a care about how others feel about you will get you very far.

I also learned how the ego absolutely hates humbleness. As soon as your physical body or image FEEL it’s being taken advantage of, and as soon as it feels attacked (feeling not good enough, helpless, or overwhelmed), the ego comes out and creates a coping mechanism – a personality, an attitude, a superiority and arrogance that YOU know better and you start to steer away from the truth of you and start to believe in the lies your ego is telling you about you. Truth is, as Guruji would say, nobody can take advantage of you. You and your intellect always have a choice what to do and uphold in life. If you care more about your image then all you will be building upon is your image (what you want others to believe you are).

Something extremely valuable I keep facing is the fact that you Cannot expect others to be the best of themselves (whether out of love or pressure or whatever reason you are backing it up with) if even YOU cannot be the best of you. The best of you will have enough compassion to understand how many obstacles the ego and the subconscious will put in front of you. You can get annoyed of that person as much as you want and only you will be the one that’s getting hurt.

Something I discovered yesterday when I made Thai food for my Guru was how much ego I go into when I want to impress and get praises. “There are no praises. There is only truth.” Guruji said. I was so adamant about impressing her that I overlooked many steps and totally messed up the dish – over cooked rice, too much garlic, mushy nutrition-nuggets. I also realized that because I knew that perfectly done-tasks don’t get praises, I always seem to (subconsciously) manipulate myself into doing either 80% of the job or a shoddy job just because at least I will get scolded (and get attention) from my superior! How manipulative is the subconscious mind? Must be because 92% on my test didn’t make dad happy (he wanted 100%) so I have programmed myself to bother-but-not-bother. Do you see how much I have prioritized “attention” and “praises” in my life because my mind is addicted to it growing up? How much suffering will it go into if it is deprived? I am only depleting myself of opportunities to find out how capable I truly am.

Last but not least – be willing to fall on your face. Be willing to learn and make mistakes, be willing to enrich your life with positive changes that will only happen if you let go of your fears. My Guruji is training me really hard on this one, considering that in my head I am actually such a miss-perfect-goody-two-shoe!!

Thank you Guruji for enriching my life with Your divine teachings, thank you Mom for always believing in me and loving me, thank you Dad for letting me know you didn’t praise me because you didn’t want me to ever stop working hard, thank you to my brothers for always supporting me whatever I am or am doing in life, thank you to my ashram soul-companions who are working hard in their own lessons to overcome their own life lessons, and thank you to all that have shared your love with me today. I am truly grateful! Om ✨🙏🏻💛✨🙏🏻💛✨🙏🏻💛🌸💕💖🌸💕💖🌸💕💖

How Did My Creativity Explode?!

Did I ever tell you about how I became confident about my creativity and how it suddenly just exploded?

If you’ve been keeping up with my profile, stalking it, checking up on me every once in a while, you probably realized… oh Tida paints?? Tida photographs??


Well… That’s how I feel too each time I pick up the paint brush, style new food recipes, accessories, decor, pick up my dad’s camera, or even when I open photoshop to edit photos. I amaze myself when I just do things without thinking. (Creative things okay, like painting, writing, etc, not like robbing a bank without thinking.)

Of course I want to believe that I was born a genius, a total whiz kid, knower of all knowledge (LOL), but the truth is… it took a lot for me to get to this point when I trace my thoughts back to HOW EXACTLY I got here.

Before I start talking about this story that I’ve always wanted to share about but never had the opportunity to, let’s go back to the story of TASTE eMagazine first.

When my marketing senior left the events catering company that I was working at, I was left to handle our online food magazine slash newsletter all on my own. And to my excitement I was going to revamp the entire thing to be as color and artistic as it possibly can be. I scheduled my timetable so that I could go out and shoot and feature all the most interesting things of Singapore – and my boss thought I was going mad!! They were like, Tida you’re doing marketing for a catering company, we’re not a food magazine. We have an online food magazine but we’re not a publishing company!

But despite but boss’s disapproval I went ahead and did what I wanted to do any way but just reduced my ‘outing’ time.

And these were the results of my first magazine back in 2013:


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For a marketing major with no prior knowledge of photographing – not bad right! To my utmost surprise, the board gave me a thumbs up and a green light on this project.
(More of my magazines here if by any chance you want to check to see: and view magazines from Jan 2013 onwards)
The second story – I’m not even sure if I told this before… but basically, I’ve been a painter my entire life. When I was 18 I lost my entire portfolio of artwork from childhood, and stopped painting for ages because I was angry and so depressed about it… I also believed that painting was useless because my father made me believe artists were all poor, starving, and our skills are only useful for a ‘hobby’.
But one fine non-working day, the angels kicked me out of bed (no kidding, I thought I was going mad when I heard my Param Param Guru, Babaji’s voice telling me to go paint. Here’s His Holiness Babaji, or what many refer to as Maharaji if you are curious to know who He is!) It was two days before this Julien Coudray 1518 Watch opening event – and at that time I was painting luxury watches at 28th Fevrier in Singapore.
In my right mind I KNEW it sounded ridiculous to hear Babaji’s voice in my head, and I KNEW I couldn’t finish a 4 x 5 foot painting in ONE DAY, let alone (at that time it was 2:30) 5 hours that I had before my friend Pie would visit me from Bangkok.
But I went anyway. I got dressed and I took a bus allllll the way to Tanglin Road (town) from West Coast Singapore, and Dom (gallery owner/watch investment company owner) was like OH HI you’re here… and probably thought Why are you showing up last minute?!
When I took out the canvas.. I had NO idea how I was possibly going to finish that painting in 4 hours before dinner time, so I got down to my knees and bowed in humbleness and surrender to my spiritual lineage of Gurus (and to the canvas), and said that I had no clue why I was there, but please guide me in painting this Julien Coudray watch painting.
The watch was worth SGD 650,000 at that time, and if I painted this, it would be at the watch opening event at the prestigious gallery in two days, so I HAD to do it justice… BUT HOW.
In all honesty it was as if someone painted it, but not me. I was just the physical hands… Babaji’s voice was clear in my head the entire time: “Horizontal strokes, short strokes, now vertical strokes. Use just this much white and blue. Good.”
In my previous experience, I would probably pull my hair out if I had to paint an ENTIRE watch, symmetrically, in the short amount of time that I had, and USUALLY I would have to you know, print out the watch picture, make a grid on it, sketch the huge canvas and THEN use my charcoal to make outlines of it first before I start to even apply any color on it.
That afternoon I did not have time for that. So for the first time in my life I was in a situation where I just HAD to squeeze out the acrylic paint and paint the watch RIGHT AWAY.
By the time I got to the background (4 hours later), I had to postpone my dinner with Pie. And Babaji’s voice remained as clear as ever: Use white and blue for the background.
“What!” I thought. “But the watch is BLUE already?! Background also white and blue?!” (LOL shortening my sentences like a Singaporean)
To my rebuke was Babaji’s scolding voice: “Do you want to listen to my guiding words or do you just want to do this yourself?”
Oh God, of course I’ll listen to you Babaji, was my reply to Him, silently (or rather loudly) in my head.
I got to the gallery at 3PM.
By 8PM my painting was DONE.
I have no words for it. It was the BEST, most vibrant painting I’ve ever took part in creating IN MY LIFE. I’ve heard Babaji’s guidance before, through my Guru, Guruji Sri Sri Poonamji’s grace, as well as Jesus’s messages, also through my Guruji’s grace, but never such firm instructions before for anything!!
This was the painting right when I finished it:
Like… Holy Cow how did I do that in 5 hours!!!!!!
Yes I was always fast at painting even as a kid, but this was next level!!!!!!
I realized…. from this crazy experience….:
1. In humbleness, gratitude, and trust, your Guru (once you have found your Guru, a True Guru that would and could guide you to Enlightenment), She will always assist you to Open the Light within you, find you, expand your capabilities,
2. She taught me the value of realizing what my heart truly loves. And to realize THAT, it takes time to peel off each layer of your image: who you THINK you are, or are supposed to BE. She taught us that we are like an onions – to get to your soul, your core, who you TRULY are, there are many layers to peel from your subconscious, shedding off all limitations so that one day you could operate fully from your Superconscious.
3. Guruji taught me to just Be. Find me and be me. Release all necessity of being what society or expectations or whoever wants me to be. Through this, it also takes time and trust (in Your Guru and in your Higher Self) to realize what I think, what limitations I have in my mind about myself, and which part of me has been shaped by other people in my life. Like painting, I loved painting, I was good at it, and I grew up to believe it was…useless. Yet nothing is useless if you love it and do it from the heart. Guruji told me that She too, had no idea how to be in an ashram, and what ashram traditions to follow when She met Her Guru, Baba Sevananda Ji Maharaj, but because Her Holiness, as a truly humble disciple, did all that She could from the Heart, everything She did was right.
4. Giving is Receiving. Guruji always always reminds us that. I did not just receive all those blessings and graces because I showed up. I knew from the first day that I met Guruji that I wanted to serve Her, and learn the Art of Giving & the Art of Selflessness. She utterly changed my life through Her love, teachings, and blessings, and only in service will I ever be able to honor what She has given to me. Nothing in life is free, only in service will you truly benefit. People are so stingy with their money, yet what is money? Money is just our time and effort, and if I cannot be there to do work for Her Holiness, then only in money can I honor my Guru. Yet all the money in the world cannot repay what my Guru has blessed me with – self-love, respect, and appreciation.

To end this post, I’d like to finally get to the point of why I’m writing it. I am writing it because one day I showed up to the ashram in Singapore, and it was a very astrologically powerful day that the planets aligned in a way that they haven’t in a thousand years – and if we devote ourselves to meditation in selflessness, the receiving could be tremendous.

Some of you might be wondering… what does CHANTING have to do with self-growth?!

To answer your question in the best way that I possibly can – all matter is upheld by sound frequencies according to the law of physics yes? That’s how glass breaks when at a certain sound frequency, and the frequency of the Sun, when recorded, vibrates the primordial sounds of Ommmmm.

With this being said, our sacred languages of Sanskrit and Latin when spoken, vibrates at a much more powerful frequency than modern day’s adapted languages – that’s why mantras in Hinduism and Buddhism are in Sanskrit. The correct chants when done from the heart can change your life.

On Thursday, Jan 19th & Wednesday, Jan 25th at 8PM EST (Florida/NY time) there will be a Chanting Workshop at Divine Bliss International, and I wish I could be part of it, and I wish all of us (that want to experience this) can be part of it 🙂 So I just got excited to share my story in relevance to this workshop.

So if you’re in Florida, or are anywhere in the world and want to know more about it, here’s the workshop. If you want it to happen in your country too, let me know. Talk to me and Let me know that you want it to happen and we can work something out together!

The world is more depressed, lost, and angry than ever, and only in selflessness can we change it, and only the right teacher can teach you that. There are many books you can read, many ‘teachers’ you can learn from, but only the Enlightened one who knows exactly where you are standing in life can show you the way. If reading the Bible or the Gita can give us enlightenment, all of us would already be. That is why I am so eager to share this with you, because if I can find answers to Me when I share these experiences with you, and if I can be the vessel of sharing such stories (and learning from them as I type it to you), then imagine what you can benefit from selfless service too 🙂

Lastly… “You can only give what you have.” – says Guruji.

And I grew up thinking I have to be selfless and give to others first before I give myself. Yet I remained in anger because I gave in expectations and I wanted things in return. I wanted to believe I was a good person, and each time I felt like I wanted more, I didn’t have enough, and I wasn’t getting what I wanted, I was constantly angry at my selfishness – because that’s what society teaches you right? Selflessness is an art that must be learned.

When I discovered Guruji and saw how She was the epitome of giving, compassion, and enlightenment, I knew the only thing I could do for my life was to serve Her and be the humble vessel to share my realizations. Most importantly it was my duty to share it humbly without gloating with OMG look at how much I’ve changed – yippeee look I’m a monk and all kind of thing. Only in my service have I learned and received from Her. That is the biggest task She gives all of Her student, to learn how to Give selflessly, and to learn how to be a Nobody. When you are truly a nobody, you’ve realized you are one with the cosmic energies of light.

To really end this post now, through Guruji’s grace and the study of self-realization, my capabilities are at their peak, and each day I learn at such a fast pace through Guruji’s teachings.

“Learning with me is like taking the express way. You will progress quickly. The lessons you get will also increase.” – Guruji told us this before.

I’ve stopped sharing my learnings on this blog because I feel like each time I wrote I was preaching… teaching you all instead of being a student. But from now on I’d really like to continue sharing my stories and realizations with you guys, I just need to find my voice in my learning instead of trying to teach you guys what I have not achieved. Again, thank you for reading!  Here are more pictures of how much my service at Divine Bliss International has made my capabilities explode so far:

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The jasmine vines on the orange wall – Guruji’s grace as well that She allowed me to paint the ashram.






And in photography:



As usual, if you would like me to post more, like and comment on this post or on Facebook!

I’ll also change this website to a gallery for my portfolio images instead of just blog posts too, so I’ll let you know about that soon.

Til next time beautiful people,


p.s. I do believe I need to write more! When I stop writing for a long time it turns into a rant instead of an insightful article hahahahah 🙂